Free Cards Winner ~ Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon ~ Sending You Off To Dr. Gordon's Blog

I have reached the portion of Dr. Gordon's book discussing how we talk to our children. I am slowly taking it in, reading and re-reading, and realizing (and re-realizing!) that I won't be able to share it all with you due to its fullness! So, I am incorporating information from Dr. Gordon's blog here, and then, YOU can head over to this blog and have a heyday filling your own brain up :)

NOTE: There is such a wealth of information within the book and on Dr. Gordon's blog, and I share only a bit here, so that if it appeals to you, you can go get some more info.

Excerpts From Dr. Gordon's blog:


Many people think that they can get rid of their feelings by suppressing them, forgetting them, or thinking about something else. Actually, people free themselves of trouble-some feelings when they are encouraged to express them openly. Active Listening fosters this kind of catharsis.


When To Use Active Listening
Active Listening requires certain conditions and attitudes to be present before it is an appropriate response to your child's troubled communication. You should Active Listen only when:

~You get verbal or non-verbal cues that your child may have a problem or an unmet need.
~You genuinely want to help and the time and place are convenient.
~You feel accepting of your child; your child's behavior does not cause you a problem.
~You feel separate enough from your child's problem that his solution to the problem, whatever it is, will be acceptable to you.
~You are able to attend closely to your child. None of your concerns are so pressing that they will interfere with your concentration on your child's communication.

When NOT To Use Active Listening
There are clearly times when Active Listening should not be used without risking the creation of more problems. These times include when:

~You get no cues and clues that the child is experiencing a problem. (Don't create them!)
~You don't want to help in this case. You don't care, you're rushed, you're busy.
~Your child's behavior is unacceptable to you. You are irritated or hurt by it.
~You are invested in having your child reach the "right" solution to her problem. (Your Active Listening will then tend to be contaminated by hints in the "right" direction.)
~Your own problems are too upsetting and immediate to allow you to be intently focused on your child's concerns.
~Your child simply needs information which you have and he doesn't.
~Your child states the problem or feelings so clearly and specifically that an attempt to feedback would feel redundant and patronizing. (Silence or acknowledgment is better in such cases.)


READ MORE: Dr. Thomas Gordon's blog


ACTIVE LISTENING LEAD-INS
It is helpful to use a variety of expressions when you Active Listen. Repetition of one phrase such as "Sounds like..." or "You feel..." rapidly becomes irritating to your child and comes across as a technique rather than a genuine, natural and empathic response.

Practice using different words as you Active Listening. One way to develop your Active Listening is to think about starting with only one part. This can be either listening to "Facts", thoughts, ideas, information, or listening only to "Feelings".
Some examples are:

ACTIVE LISTENING TO FACTS (especially good in the No Problem Area)
The fact is...
You think...
The idea you have is...
What you are saying is...
Your view is...
You believe...

ACTIVE LISTENING TO FEELINGS
~You feel...
~It's really...
~So you feel...
~Looks like...
~Sounds like you are...
~Seems like your feeling...

Relax, make your Active Listening as natural as possible. Using analogies that are age and interest appropriate are also good ways to develop a more natural variety of Active Listening responses.

ACTIVE LISTENING TO FACTS AND FEELINGS
~You feel...about...
~Its...when...
~You can't...and that's...
~You're really...because...
~The way you see it is..and that's...
~When...you're really...
~You are...that...

In it's complete form Active Listening includes both the "Facts" (content) and the Feelings.

~It's like being hit by a truck
~You feel your teacher really nailed you to the wall
~You got hung out to dry
~She really shot you down (military or video gaming)
~So it's like you really struck out (sports)

READ MORE: Dr. Thomas Gordon's blog

The Free Cards Winner for last week is Rose! Thank you all for playing :)

Love & Sincerely ~ Katie

Free Cards Friday ~ Brand New Glass Pendants

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glass Pendants
sized 1" by 2"
glass and image within a vintage bronze tray with 5mm loop
includes a black wire memory cord with magnetic clasp
$24

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are the ones I have currently completed:

Music To Dance To

Deep As A River

You & Us




Lost Together

Happy Hour

Drawn To You

Elemental

These will begin becoming available in the Online shop tonite ~ let me know if you are interested in one of the above Pendants. New pieces are being designed, as we speak :)

Thank you so much!

It's Free Cards Friday! Add your note to this blog post (I'd love to hear your feedback/thoughts on the new Pendants) (here at the blog or on the Facebook page) throughout the weekend and be in the running to win some cards ~ I'll choose the winner on Monday.

Love & Sincerely ~ Katie

The Expanded Visions Collection ~ beginning in March 2011

The Expanded Visions Collection
a new series of 8x10 paintings starting in March
Learn More

Painting, for me, brings feelings that anything can be accomplished or manifested ~ this new body of work will pivot on spontaneity and vision.

Expanded Visions ~ 20-40 small paintings exploring Vision and Spontaneity ~ inspired by simple phrases and words determined ideal enough to place on my Vision Board ~ then unfolded, visually, onto deep 8x10 canvases to share.

...Vision Boards contain images and words we collect that speak to our heart and represent the goals and visions for our particular ambitions. With the idea that seeing what we want in visual form every day will encourage it to become evident in our lives.... Learn More


For these upcoming paintings, I envision quick and intimate flashes of life ~ touches, kisses, positions and poses. I have taken notes on ideas for fresh palettes, detail, natural touches and texture. This collection will be guided by:

~Emotion
~Skin To Skin
~Motherhood
~Closeness
~Fresh Rawness
~Spontaneity
~Spring & Nature
~Texture
~Whimsy

Even the words give me chills and elicit eagerness to be starting a new collection of mini paintings.


The details:

• 20-40 8x10" Paintings on deep, splined (no back staples) canvases

• $120 each with $10 from each purchase going directly to a charity supporting mothers and children.

• Beginning in March with 1-2 paintings released (via email, the website, the Painting Motherhood blog and Facebook) on the 2nd & 4th Thursdays of each month until the collection feels complete.

above image: Mother, the first painting for release, currently unfinished

Thank You!

Upcoming Project Barely Revealed ~ Free Cards & Book Winner ~ Sea Of Silence, Complete

Sea Of Silence is complete and I will be honored to ship this painting to Sarah this week. Thank you all for your wonderful feedback ~ this piece was a joy to work on.

I have an upcoming project to (barely) reveal
~ I have many of the details worked out ~ but alas, I do not have the time nor energy to type them all up tonite :) Here is a quick sneak sheet:

*New Mini Painting Collection coming up! the Expanded Visions Collection

*Inspired by Vision Boards & their purpose in our lives, the inspiration they provide (visually, in this case!)

*8x10 Paintings on deep, yummy, splined (no back staples) canvases

*Fresh, spring-ish, emotive, motherhood-y, raw and collectible...

I can't wait to share more with you ~ but for tonite, that is your tease :)

The Free Cards & Book (Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life") winner is... (the response was OVERWHELMING! Thank you!)... MandyPants!

And I just discovered (serendipitously) that she sweetly did a recent post featuring my paintings. Thank you Mandy!

Well, have a wonderful week everyone.

Love & Sincerely ~ Katie

Sea of Silence ~ Sarah's Painting

Last night's Studio Obsession :)
~ Sea of Silence ~ a painting for Sarah and her sweet little boys.

This piece is unfinished, and I look forward to showing it to you upon completion.

Thank you Sarah!

Love & Sincerely, Katie

Free Cards (& Free Book!) Friday

It's Free Cards Friday! Add your note to this blog post (here at the blog or on the Facebook page) throughout the weekend and be in the running to win some cards ~ I'll choose the winner on Monday.

This week, I'd also like to give away my copy of Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" ~ a book that is more than lovely ~ in message and aesthetic quality.

Here is the Amazon review for this book:

If you haven't seen Hay House's Lifestyles series of gorgeous gift books, there is no better way to acquaint yourself than with publisher/author Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life. A bestseller for many years, You Can Heal Your Life has been republished with bright, beautiful illustrations in full, living color and exquisite typography--each and every page is a work of art by artist Joan Perrin Falquet.


The timeless message of the book is that we are each responsible for our own reality and "dis-ease." Hay believes we make ourselves ill by having thoughts of self-hatred. She includes a directory of ailments and emotional causes for each with a corresponding affirmation to help overcome the illness. For example, the probable cause of multiple sclerosis is "mental hardness, hard-heartedness, iron will, and inflexibility." The healing "thought pattern" would be: "By choosing loving, joyous thoughts, I created a loving joyous world. I am safe and free."
--P. Randall Cohan

This gift edition is a beautiful book complete with four-color illustrations throughout. "An excellent book for restructuring one's life and finding self- esteem and self-love."

Comment and let me know if you are interested ~ to be in the running. Thanks!

Love & Sincerely, Katie

Earth Mama Finds a Home

Lovely Words from the new owner of the Original Earth Mama:

"Katie ~ She's here and she's amazing! This painting is so much better in person than online and it has touched me deeply! I have to tell you in all honesty that I did have some moments of "buyer's regret" on occasion while we waited for her. It is an investment that we normally wouldn't make. I asked myself several times if such a large purchase could be justified, could really be worth it. I am so thrilled to love her.

At the risk of boring you, I must tell you what more she says to me now that she is here. The high quality and, yes, the high cost speak to me of an acknowledgment of the worth of our children who were really known only by Mama & Daddy. One of the hardest parts of a neonatal or prenatal death is the lack of value that the rest of the world unknowingly gives to that child and that relationship.

I do believe that losing a child with whom you've lived is a much greater loss; there are more memories, a unique person you know well and a tangible relationship to mourn that only come with time and mothering. Still, there is so much more lost in a very early death that few understand without having suffered through it. Mothers, and often dads too, carry that scar for the rest of their lives. "Earth Mama" embodies that significance and relationship, giving permission to remember and hold dear the little time we had with these children. That brings healing with it. And the colors and swirls, the whimsical dots, are precious reminders of hope and joy!

I am amazed and grateful that you were able to capture all of this without having to walk such a difficult path yourself.

Gratefully and with wonder, W.C. (Hoopeston, IL)"

Thank you so much ~ Love & Sincerely, Katie

progress on Whimsical Mother ~ seeking happiness

There has been so much loss lately ~ most of it I have learned about virtually and via email, but it is existing in such a heavy form. The stories beg to cut me down, and all of us, I know ~ so recently, standing at my blank canvas, listening to much-needed happy tunes, Whimsical Mother emerged.

I take her as a nice detour from darkness, and I am looking very forward to shedding light on her whimsical details...


She is, obviously, unfinished, but sits in my studio awaiting the time I will spend on her. She will hopefully help to minimize my recent and sometimes deadening distraction ~

Here is the most recent shot of her, followed by her earlier exposure.

most recent image of Whimsical Mother and her little happy one.
She looks tired, we'll have to change that!

her initial essence ~

"The greatest happiness is to transform one's feelings into action."
- Madame de Stael

I value your feedback. Have a wonderful Thursday,

Love & Sincerely, Katie

Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon ~ BOOKS, including a Free One

I read, and I learn from listening to those I admire, and I watch documentaries, and I enjoy what I learn. However, I have such a time remembering what I've learned (oh and that reminds me, I forgot to purchase Ginko tea today when I was at the store!).

The information and advice that I received from one particular book in the past year remains in my head and I believe it is for two reasons. 1)I really liked it 2)I wrote about it: I shared it here with you, on the blog.

It was called A Good Enough Parent, by Bruno Bettelheim. Wow, I even remembered how to spell his last name, this is good :)


Thus, I want to share some tidbits with you, from the newest parenting book I am reading: Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children, by Dr. Thomas Gordon.

This book originated in the early 70's, so the advice is not new-age, but I am feeling that it could be life-altering ~ as long as it can be read and then retained and put to use.


I just wanted to share a bit ~ so far I think this book is good:


Dr. Gordon discusses his opinion that if we can show ourselves as accepting parents to our children, showing them with our actions and nonverbal cues, that we accept them for who they are and that we believe in them and trust them, then they will automatically want to reach their potential. He compares it to a seed in soil ~ the soil nurtures and provides yet the seed contains all of its potential inside.

Being accepting of who the children are does not encourage them to just stay as they are and not grow, but on the contrary gives them an urge to grow on their own.

Dr. Gordon talks about two ways (so far, I am not too just yet) that we can show our acceptance:


Passively Listening to Show Acceptance: nodding and paying attention when our children share their concerns or stories with us, listening and showing that we are connected without butting in with our own ideas or judgements about how they should do/have done something they are sharing with us. Dr. Gordon notes that this encourages the child to share beyond the facts - including releasing their feelings, contemplating consequences and reaching self-initiated problem solving.




Non Intervention to Show Acceptance: letting a child do their activities without intervening. Letting a child make his own mistakes. When we frequently check-in, join in, interfere and intrude on a child's play, we are sending him/her a non-verbal message that we do not accept them or trust them to perform in an acceptable way.


How we speak to our children is essential and telling ~ that is what I will be reading about next.


Dr. Gordon begins this book stating that Parents Are Blamed but Not Trained. Parents are fingered for the troubles with their children, but who trains the parents how to do a good job to begin with?

Most of us want to be very good parents. But oh the stress in trying to not only be a good and balanced human on your own, but also to raise responsible, grateful, kind children. This is truly, the hardest job in the world. I, for one, sought out this text because as my children grow, I grow more fearful that I will make a mistake.


I can provide love and healthy food and art projects and fresh water ~ but what happens when so much more is required? And what happens when the love, food and art projects no longer tickle their fancy?


I'm nervous, and I know I'm not alone. It is up to us to train ourselves. I hope that if I can keep some notes (via blog posts) on this not-new but eye-opening book, I can not only embed the knowledge deeper into my mind, but hopefully inspire something for another parent.


I have been a mom for over 6 years ~ but I did not know (!) that when I check on my son while he is playing alone or with his brother that I am sending him/them a signal that I am not completely accepting of the activity. Yikes.


I have been a mom for over 6 years ~ but I did not know (!) that when I respond in an inquiring fashion during my son's stories (and interrupt with my ideas of how to fix things) that I am sending the wrong message, and limiting his problem-solving skills by throwing my pre-packaged solutions at him. Yikes.


I am always open to book/website recommendations from readers, of course ~ we are a generation of mothers and fathers seeking to do the right thing with/for our children, seeking new ways and new answers while inspiring independence and encouraging empathy.


Have a wonderful week ~ this Friday I'd like to give away another book with Free Cards Friday, it is called You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay ~ it is a beautiful book.






above image: Golden Moment, a new commissioned piece. Prints will be available before too long :)




Love & Sincerely, Katie

Rocket Fuel: Inspiration from Jurgen Wolff ~ Earth Mama Prints ~ Win A Free 8x10 Print

I am honored to receive a monthly update from Jurgen Wolff ~ it is one of few emails that I actually read and re-read, vs. toss. Here is what I felt most inspired by from Jurgen's most recent note:

What's your "Rocket Fuel"?
©Jurgen Wolff, http://jurgenwolff.com/

Do you sometimes find it hard to get started? One simple and useful tool is what I call our "rocket fuel" word or phrase. It uses the power of association to fire up your motivation.



Here's how it works:



(1) Think of something you'd really like to achieve. For an example let's use reaching your ideal weight.



(2) Pick a word or phrase that represents this goal. Choose something that has a bit of oomph. For instance, rather than "ideal weight" you might go for "lean and powerful" or "fit and fabulous." You won't be saying this out loud and nobody else has to know what it is, so feel free to choose anything you like.



(3) While thinking of the word or phrase, vividly imagine how you'll look, feel, and sound when you've achieved the goal. With the weight goal you might imagine yourself looking in the mirror and seeing the trim, healthy, energetic version of yourself and feeling proud and excited about it. You might imagine the compliments you'll hear, and the energy you'll feel. Repeat your word or phrase several times in your mind as you do this. Repeat this exercise at least a couple of times a day for a week.



(4) When you're feeling sluggish--for instance, in the morning when you've promised yourself you'd get up and take a walk but you're feeling tempted to stay in bed--say the word in your mind. All of the positive associations you've built up in your visualizations will come rushing into your mind and help you get out of bed. Also use it at decision points: to eat that piece of cake or not to? Mentally saying the word or phrase will help you make the decision that's consistent with your goal.



ACTION: Choose your own "rocket fuel" word or phrase and put the power of this technique to work for you.

above text: ©Jurgen Wolff, http://jurgenwolff.com/

Win a Free Print Of Your Choice in the Online Shop by making order #1414!

The Original Earth Mama (see left) has sold, but there are 13x19 & 12x12 prints available in the Online shop. Enjoy and thank you all for following along in her process.

See process videos of paintings on the YouTube Channel.

Have a great week! Love & Sincerely, Katie

Reminder ~ I'm Gone but the Shop is Open ~ :)

IMPORTANT NOTE:
The Katie m. Berggren studio and office will be closed from January 29 through February 7 ~ but the ONLINE SHOP IS OPEN! The physical me will be back to business on Tuesday, February 8 ~ All items purchased in the Online Etsy shop during this time period will ship on February 8 ~ thank you!

I will be choosing a Free Cards Friday Winner when I return ~ so you have all week to make your comment on the previous blog post :)

Talk with you soon!

Above image: Feed My Soul

Love & Sincerely ~ Katie